The scene… suddenly brought home to me the tragedy of a double life.” But I noticed that the Tsar, even while engaged in conversation, had taken up a position from which he would watch the door, and I caught the despairing glance which the Tsaritsa threw him as she came in. She smiled pleasantly at the guests who crowded around her. Footmen in livery were handing around refreshments and everyone was laughing and exchanging jokes… A few minutes later the Tsaritsa came back. There was a distracted and terror-stricken look on her face.
I shrank back against the wall and she passed me without observing my presence. Suddenly I noticed the Tsaritsa running up holding her long, awkward train in her two hands. When the play was over, I went out by the service door and found myself in the corridor opposite Alexis Nicolaievich’s room from which a moaning sound came distinctly to my ears. “I could see the Tsaritsa in the front row, smiling and talking gaily to her neighbors. I’m sure I already quoted Gilliard in a previous ask but I’m going to quote him again: Such as during the Spala crisis in 1912 where Alexei’s nearly died. Yet, I don’t think it’s fair to call her a recluse because she made a hell of a lot of efforts.
I don’t want to go on the psychological path either but to see her son so sick because of “her” it must have been terrible for her emotionally. However perhaps her character would have been less neurotic, less worrisome and her health a bit better. Yes Alexandra would still be a very private person and would have sought the same cocooning lifestyle that she actually led. I’m not a big fan of what if in history but surely without the illness of Alexei a lot would have been different. You are going to say “like any other” and of course you are right but in Alix’s case to say the odds were against her is an understatement. The context and the hazards of life played a key role in shaping Alexandra. Was she really? Okay I’m going to play the devil’s advocate.
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